I always identify with the male protagonists in the books I read. This began when I was very young. I felt as sensitively as Charlie did in The Perks of Being a Wallflower; my heart broke for the male character (whose name I forget) in The Devil in the Flesh. I even related to the gravity of Richard Dawkin's poetic prose in The God Delusion. And I virtually am Jack Dulouz in Maggie Cassidy. And Stephen Dedalus.
Of course, there are female protagonists I identify with (though not nearly as often-- not sure if there is a reason for this. I have meditated on the possibilities but I will save them for another time). I certainly connected with Jane Eyre, and the writings of Sylvia Plath, and others that I cannot think of at the moment. This doesn't necessarily only apply to books. I have felt as though I was Charlotte from Lost in Translation and Marie Antoinette in her biopic. Basically, I am the protagonist of whatever story this is that is currently unfolding.
I am sure you can relate, right?
Well, after I returned home from the dance jam at the Forest Haven Center for Dance and Music, I was feeling kind of down. I am in a very strange transformative place in my life. Feeling as though I do not have a centered group of friends, this is something I am always trying to change or facilitate although it is a challenge.
I am a transient. As you read in the last post, I do not like many people. I mean, I love people just seldom do I connect with many. I am trying, folks-- really, I am.
So, I was inclined to watch netflix all night and eat left over pizza but it was Saturday night. I felt old. My skin was crawling. It is hard to go out when you feel alone. But I decided to go out anyway, figuring I would force myself to be social and that maybe my mood would change as a result. I had several friends who were at Van Duzer Days in Stapleton and knowing there would be bands playing all night at the Full Cup I decided to go.
I put on my plum lipstick and wire-necklace. The black boots with the golden socks. I tried to feel prettier than I have been. Whatever, I just wanted to go out. Ever have those nights? When the warm breeze brushes through the window and you're just itching to get out? So, I put on my shades and drove on down to Stapletown.
The Full Cup, for those who have never been, is this eclectic and eccentric coffee shop meets alleyway venue with christmas lights meets back room bar and stage. This place is just awesome. It's sort of the only place for the disgruntled yet magically optimistic 20-30 something creative crowd of Staten Island to really feel at home. I have taught hula hooping and dance classes there. I have written poetry (both by myself and with groups) there. Many a cup of tea and soup has been sipped there.
Last night was about the most fun I have had in a long time. I ran into so many special faces that I see in passing throughout the art scene on Staten Island. I hula hooped on a friend's roof while they played music and took pictures. I saw the Manhattan skyline. The night air was warm and smelled like flowers and poetic shit like that. Phoebe Blue and the Make Baleaves played a quietly cool set in the alleyway underneath the x-mas lights. I looked up at the pale blue sky and the brick buildings and everything seemed so real. This punk rock Jap chick band, Mars&Me, played an amazing set in the back room. Another local band, Hunny, played great tunes that sounded like punk meets screamo in a more sophisticated manner.
Best part of the evening. After Hunny played, there was a dance party!!
The disco balls on the ceiling twirled as we all just danced to Come on, Eileen and other vintage awesomeness. I just have never before connected with a group of people in dark room dancing for the sheer love of it; the joy of moving and connecting with others the way I did last night. I loved those people. I don't even know half of them. But I loved them.
Last night reminded me of how wonderful it is to be twenty-five. How exciting it is to get dressed up and meet new faces. To be merry. And also of the summer evenings that live on forever. I hope to have more evenings like this and one of the more important notes is that I made it happen. In all of my existential anti-socialness, I decided to just go out and be positive and I met so many awesome people and am so glad I pushed myself out the door. We ultimately have control over our attitudes and constantly have the ability to change them. If you're feeling down, try to activate the positivity from within. Eventually it will radiate outward and be as warm as christmas lights on a July evening.
love.
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